learning to sing.

well, i'm off to some sort of a start... i ended up getting a couple of offers from some friends/musicians to have my voice used in various capacities. learning to harmonize is tricky. i automatically want to go to the lead, and for me it's a challenge to hear more in the song than just the prominent parts. i want to be able to pluck the correct notes from the air and have an innate sense of what musical parts will sound good and full when placed together. the biggest problem i'm having right now is learning how to breathe to be able to sustain a note for what seems like a million years. i run out of steam, and i want so badly to be able to find some sort of trick for enlongating my air flow. all that being said, i am having fun. i almost want to be a singer a little TOO much--i suffer a ridiculous amount of anxiety when i think that i might not be able to hit certain notes or hold them... which can cause me to do just that. i realize that i always sing, no matter what i'm doing or what is going on in my life. my head is perpetually filled with song. how wonderful it would be to sing for a living, and to have people appreciate my voice, both figurative and literal. i will keep trying to push myself through these notes that are haunting me... it's interesting to me how this period in my life feels just like there is a metaphoric musical note that is barely beyond my reach. i haven't hit it yet, but i'm not ready to stop trying because i've heard it and i still hold on to some belief that i will nail it. that note is contentment. i fall short, but if i keep stretching...

i did it.

i officially withdrew from my physiology class officially today. i am both relieved and nervous--now i must do something other than hide in the comfort of the laid out path that a career in the healthcare field would have afforded me. i have to interact with the world, find a job very soon, and try to create an income based on the merits that i have at this moment. will i be able to afford healthcare (i am type 1 diabetic) if i am not a full-time student? since my COBRA policy runs out in february, i had counted on health insurance being provided to me by a university no later than january... but it WILL be okay. here is a little something i made today...

baby steps

here i am. i am creating a blog when i "should" be reading about the effects of hypo- versus hypertonic solutions on the extracellular versus the intracellular fluid compartments in the human body. but i am not. i have an artist's heart and a scientist's mind, and cannot fully seem to reconcile the two. for over a year now, i have been spending my days taking the necessary prerequisite classes to get into med school... but at night when i dream, i am not a nurse or a doctor--i am a singer, a painter, a collage artist... i create rather than diagnose.

what to do? there is a bz (a nickname--my real name is robin) inside urging me to don a white lab coat, and another one insisting that i throw off my shoes, cast aside my textbooks, and cover myself in glue and pretty paper.

perhaps i can do both, but i feel as though i must begin to choose one direction or another. in my mind, one path is secure, comfortable, and dark while the other is rocky, exciting, and bright. here is where i begin to find my way. here is where i leap from my nest and... fly?